As I lay here, laptop in front of me, it's 4:17 am on Tuesday September 23rd/2014. I don't know how much longer I can do this. My mom gets so delusional. She is so difficult to handle even if you are right here in the home. I do think she has "Sundowning". She is at her worst in the early - later evening. Tonight I simply could not get her pills into her. None of them. She went to bed with no pain meds nor her bp medications and the other lesser important ones. She was really agitated and cried that she couldn't take her pills. I gave up trying. Her sitter managed to get her antibiotic in her unless she spat it out when no one was looking which is what she did earlier today. She was suppose to get it at 12:30 pm today but when I got home from a hospital appt (cancer checkup so it couldn't be cancelled) @ 4:00 pm I discovered it hiding underneath her. I talked to her psw who was the one to give her her meds and she swore she gave it to her. I told her where I found it so she knows next time to look closely.
But.. as I lay here unable to sleep, my head going around in circles I've fighting still with the decision to have her admitted to a nursing home. With all I know about them I am afraid for her. I know if I admit her she won't last long. I firmly believe it isn't old age that kills people in nursing homes, it's lack of care, especially in someone like my mom who really should live out the rest of her life in a hospital, not a nursing home. There is no "nursing" in a nursing home, believe me.
For someone like my mom who is dependant for everything including someone to encourage them to drink water and their liquid diet, there is little hope. I am going to sentence my mom to her death and I'm having a horrible time knowing this is going to happen.
I can't keep her at home with me though. There is no help via the gov't for me. I need a sitter for her at night because she wakes up confused and tries to get out of bed and then falls. She can't bear weight. I can't afford a sitter on my own, it's over $200 a night. When she comes home from hospital CCAC gives me a sitter for a week and sometimes a short extension (this time it was 10 days) but tonight was the last night. We are so screwed.
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